Hey,

If I don't think about the bad things that will happen if I face my fear the shivery feeling won't be that bad.

I wonder when did you become part of it. Part of what I fear. The fear of losing you. The thought of the future and its outcome and the what ifs.

If I don't think about it it's fine. It kills me slowly in the inside, sometimes.

We spoke on the phone last night. We spoke for sometime. I don't know how should I feel about it. I'm not going to say what we talked about. She knows I love her very much. But I don't know if she knows that I'm willing to die for her. I'm not exaggerating, I'm not being overdramatic but if a car or a bullet were to come in her way, I will be there to take the crash or the shot. What do I have to live for? Broken family, broken heart. If that day were to ever come, the day her life is threatened, I hope I'll be there. And she'll know that I love her until it kills me and even then she'll still be in my heart.

Oh and I dreamt about her again. We were at school as usual, and she told me to walk with her to building number 13 or 11. And so we did. She asked me if I was okay and I said "never been better" Then I woke up. Feeling odd and lost.

Anyways, I'm still keeping to my promise. It's a promise.

What's it like being loved by someone you love?

I feel blue.

I haven't spoke to her in 5 days. Whenever I'm not with her I'm missing half of myself. But even when I'm with her in the same room, it still hurts. Knowing the person you love just perhaps doesn't love you back. It's an unexplained pain. It eats you out alive. It festers in your heart. And this pass 5 days are already tormenting enough.

I care for you. I hope you feel the same for me.

Hey, I love you.

Hey, I love you.

I ran around everywhere today. God I miss her.

Please tell me you love me.

Didn't manage to talk to her =(

We had a casual and great conversation for the first time in a while. It was the best moment I had in ages, just talking to her. Well, texting but still. I realised that I'm still so deeply in love with her. The girl I met 9 years ago, I'm still in love with her. I wish she could see how crazy I am for her. To those who are reading this, do not judge me. I've been maddeningly in love with her for the pass 9 years so I think I know what love is. No kid is crazy enough to pursue a girl for 9 years like me.

Anyways, I'm not giving up. She may not love me today or tomorrow but I will love her till it kills me and even then, you would still be in my heart. I will win her heart, Godwilling. Seeing her with someone else and knowing that I can't have her, just kills me.. She's everything to me. She's my world. I will keep on loving her despite the fact I'll get hurt again. I never learn cause I don't want to. Not when I'm still strong to fall for her all over and over again.

I'm crazy for you girl.