Now then, where shall I begin? Ah yes, perhaps with her as always. It's been approximately 21 days since her examinations ended and 13 days since mine. Both our exams has ended and nothing changed. But I keep wondering, she knows I love her but I don't know if she feels the same way for me. For all I heard from people, they tell me she does have feelings for me, it's just that..... she's unsure of what she wants. She's not sure. But I don't know if it's true or not. I don't know.. I've been told to wait till exams are over and perhaps we could work it out. But the thing is, exams are over and nothing changed. Am I suppose to do something? Say something to her? I know, I'm that stupid right to not know. Any advice?

1 universe, 8 planets, 1 Earth, 196 countries, 6,840507,000 people and I fell for you.

You know, every morning and night when I wanna wish you goodnight or good morning, I always think more then twice. I don't want to disturb and annoy you by wishing you everyday and night. But if I don't wish you, you'd perhaps feel that you miss me and I guess that's good for me because maybe you'd contact me. But there's also a chance of you saying to yourself "he doesn't care for me any longer, maybe I should stop caring for him" That's what I'm afraid of. I care for you with all my heart. You are the first thought that comes to my mind every time I wake and every time before I sleep. I don't know what to do.

I hope I'm getting close. A close friend of mine and hers promised me with his life that she's gonna be with me and that she wants to give me a chance. I don't even know if it's true but I could use the hope that he's giving. It just gives me motivation. But what really motivates me is her. Seeing her. Hearing her laugh, speak and seeing her smile. As I said, she's beautiful and unbelievably cute at the same time plus together with her personality. I love you so much..

I want you to keep my heart even if you don't want to give me yours.

Last night was an unforgettable night. One someone says "unforgettable" it doesn't mean great. She came down the steps towards building number 13 with her hair untied and the wind blew which made her hair flow. She wore a blue tank top and gray jeans. I was there and I thought to myself, she's the most beautiful girl in the world. It killed me knowing that she isn't with me. The pain hurts so bad. A soul-hurt, a real-gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart-pain. I can't bear it. But I will NOT give up. No matter how painful it is. I'd die trying.

Ehem.. (clears throat) Not really sure what to say. Night and sleep well beautiful =)

I'm gonna wake up tomorrow morning feeling the worst I can again.

Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, commonly known as broken heart syndrome. People can die of heartbreak.

What can I do to make you love me?

I can't stop the tears.

Spent the whole day with her =)

Had my first paper today. Anyways I'm not here to talk about how the paper went. School ended for my class. It's the beginning of the end and at the same time it's the dawn of a new beginning.

So anyways, I don't think I'm going anywhere close of winning her heart. I don't know. I'm not thinking negative but I guess it's just pure logic. Fuck.. It's not easy anymore. When has it ever been?

I don't know if one day you'll still be there for me (I hope you will). All I know, is you'll have to face your own life, facing college, work (I'll be there to help you through). You'll become a wife to your husband, a mother to your child and I want to thank you, for being part of my life. There is still a time where I picture myself in that image. School boy fantasy of course. I'm that crazy to even think that far. Judge me all you want fellow readers, this boy is in love. BIG TIME.

Exams are very close. Regardlessly, I'm still thinking about you. There's not a day that goes by without me thinking of you. Anyways, hope you're sleeping well now. If you are sleeping though which I'm sure you are. I'll see you on Monday.

Love ya.

She taught me Mathematics today :)

Hey there, I love you.

She looks beautiful as always.

We talked today. We had a long conversation and it kinda made me feel better. I know that I don't have a chance but that doesn't mean I'm giving up. I'll just wait as I always do. Perhaps we won't be together today or tomorrow but maybe we will one fine day.

Hey,

If I don't think about the bad things that will happen if I face my fear the shivery feeling won't be that bad.

I wonder when did you become part of it. Part of what I fear. The fear of losing you. The thought of the future and its outcome and the what ifs.

If I don't think about it it's fine. It kills me slowly in the inside, sometimes.

We spoke on the phone last night. We spoke for sometime. I don't know how should I feel about it. I'm not going to say what we talked about. She knows I love her very much. But I don't know if she knows that I'm willing to die for her. I'm not exaggerating, I'm not being overdramatic but if a car or a bullet were to come in her way, I will be there to take the crash or the shot. What do I have to live for? Broken family, broken heart. If that day were to ever come, the day her life is threatened, I hope I'll be there. And she'll know that I love her until it kills me and even then she'll still be in my heart.

Oh and I dreamt about her again. We were at school as usual, and she told me to walk with her to building number 13 or 11. And so we did. She asked me if I was okay and I said "never been better" Then I woke up. Feeling odd and lost.

Anyways, I'm still keeping to my promise. It's a promise.

What's it like being loved by someone you love?

I feel blue.

I haven't spoke to her in 5 days. Whenever I'm not with her I'm missing half of myself. But even when I'm with her in the same room, it still hurts. Knowing the person you love just perhaps doesn't love you back. It's an unexplained pain. It eats you out alive. It festers in your heart. And this pass 5 days are already tormenting enough.

I care for you. I hope you feel the same for me.

Hey, I love you.

Hey, I love you.